Days passing so fast

These days seem to go faster and faster and tonight I read an article that just confirmed how fast and sad it really is. I'll fall asleep tonight and wake up and it'll be 10 years from now..20 years from now. I don't even know how to process that? So I just cry instead. Maybe you'll never understand this, maybe it's something only mommas experience. I don't know. But I know it's sad and fast and real.

As I read this tonight I felt so emotional and wanted to share this quote on here to always remember. I wish it weren't true but I know that it is:

"You'll never be this loved again. So on those days when you are feeling stressed out, touched out, and depleted, just remember that you will never be this loved again. One day you will long for their affection. So choose a soft voice, gentle hands, choose love" -AK

Also one of my all time favorite quotes which is from "the giving tree":

“... and she loved a boy very, very much-- even more than she loved herself.” 

I also ran upon this song by Lynyrd Skynyrd and thought the lyrics were so pretty and such a good message for my little baby boy:

"Simple man"

Well mama told me, when I was young

Said sit beside me, my only son

And listen closely to what I say

And if you do this, it'll help you some sunny day

Ahhh

Yeah it will

take your time don't live toofast

Troubles will come and they will pass

You'll find a woman and you'll find love

And don't forget that there's is a someone up above

[Chorus]

Be a simple kind of man

Be a something you love and understand

Baby be a simple kind of man

Oh won't you do this for me son if you can

(if you can)

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold

All that you need now is in your soul

And you can do this(oh baby)if you try

All that I want from you my son is to be satisfied

[Chorus]

And be a simple kind of man

Be a something that you love and understand

Baby be a simple kind of man

Oh won't you do this for me son if you can

(if you can)

Xoxox with all my heart 

Oh don't you worry

You'll find yourself

Follow your heart

And nothing else

And you can do this(oh baby)if you try

All that I want from you my son is to be satisfied

[Chorus]

And be a simple kind of man

Oh won't you do this for me son if you can

So baby be a simple be a simple man

Oh won't you do this for me son if you can

Finally, A warm day (and my little dictator)!

today we finally had a nicer day! It was about 56 degrees and sunny! last night, our clocks sprang ahead an hour also. so when you woke it was 10:00 instead of 9:00. We had breakfast and we were outside by 12:00 and enjoyed a picnic outside. I took your little wooden table out there to sit at, too. I ordered you a collapsable white picnic table a few days ago so that we eat outside all summer! the very back side of our house doesn't get any sunlight and there is still a few inches of snow waiting to melt from our recent blizzards! so it was pretty funny because you were playing in your sand/ water table in the sun and then would run to the back of the shaded house and throw snowballs :) today you got the best of both worlds! Baby had even perched herself up in the open kitchen window when you threw a giant snowball at her, hitting the window screen and knocking her completely off of her perch and into the sink inside!! it was quite the throw!

You decided to swing today also, and usually this is quite short lived as you dont sit still for long, but today you swung for about 15 minutes. you put your arms out and said, " Im in a hair-pane! Look at me mommy! Lets pretend!" it was the sweetest thing and your imagination is in overdrive these days! It is so amazing and fun to watch! You keep us all laughing nonstop. we talked about how we were going to redecorate the backyard this spring and create you a raised playground area. And when i say "we", i mean me and you! You told me where things should go and you told me to say "uh huh" as you explained your plans. You are bossy, or as i like to say, you enjoy scripting everything- you tell us all how to play trains and what to say, how to play dollhouse and what to make the dolls say, how to play hide and seek and what to say when you find us....its always scripted.. maybe you will be a screen writer? a director? 

Eventually you said, " mommy i have to pee!!" and being in overalls and far from the bathroom i didnt want to ruin your fun day with wet pants, so i said lets go outside! You laughed and thought that was hilarious and it took you a good minute to even pee because it was just too weird for you! Eventually you did and cracked up saying, " im peepeeing on those leaves!!!" and then you went on your merry way. So today we had a first, an outdoorsy pee. good for you big boy! Thats one perk to being male ;) 

Since the time change was kinda funky, we skipped nap and you didnt miss it one bit. you were happy and funny all day. We did have some quiet time, me and you, in my bed after dinner and played games on the ipad. Then you declared, " its 8:00!! walking dead is coming on!" when you saw the clock change to 8:00.You dont actually pay attention to the show, but you love the opening song and you love to say you watch it. Again, you dont have the patience for a tv show, but you say you love it none the less :) we get a big kick out of it.

You have also continued sleeping with the bedroom door open this week. You recently began the phase of being scared of being alone at night and being in the dark ( although youve always had ample light, youre at the point where its never enough- ive always been afraid of the dark, too). Its times like this that im even more thankful to have your dutch door made by your great grandpa pappy, because the bottom being closed helps keep the cats out, but with the top open it helps let hall light in and gives you more peace of mind. youve been sleeping better with the top open. your bedtime routine continues about the same otherwise: we read several books in the rocking chair, we put you to bed where you snuggle all 3 bindins and then we cover you up with a separate blankie ( currently a soft thomas blanket from bens aunt carla and uncle darren but is often times a curious george blankie from grandma), and then you yell for daddy to come pat your back, he usually sings one round of "bible" with me ( aka 'jesus loves me' which you call bible) as you rock your body back and forth putting yourself to sleep, then i sing a few more rounds until i finally sing myself out the door, you usually fuss at me as i do this but then quickly give in and continue rocking yourself to sleep. often you dictate how i sing the songs: sing like pawpaw, sing like grandma, sing like daddy, sing like a kitty, sing like the mailman, sing like tom and jerry, sing like mommy, or sing this song (and youll make up lyrics for me to sing, no joke) <----- these are all real requests that you ask for. see comments above about how you like to direct and script everything haha:) i cant imagine life any other way :) xoxo

Simple Life

I feel like turning 30 must be some kind of marker for finding yourself, or maybe just changing your mind about who you thought you were. Since having P two and a half years ago, I changed so much anyways. The way I looked at life and situations changed drastically. I began to slow down- by choice and by necessity bc i have a child who is quite spirited and its a bit more difficult to go out and about (unless i want to exhaust myself), but i also slowed down bc when you have a child you realize whats important. No longer were nights out, or shopping for clothes a priority ( maybe for some moms but not this one). I realized being quick tempered or easily angered was the child version of myself. Children push every button, and just the right ones, and if you are easily angered, you likely will have regret as you lie in bed at the end of the night, and you will also risk doing or saying things you can never take back. I also do not want to raise a child who is quick to anger. Ben still struggles with this personality trait, but he has improved for sure. As a mom however, I conquered that beast immediately. having a baby will provide infinite opportunities to work on improving your temper haha ( i.e: being exhausted, waking 2000 times a night, not getting a chance to eat, cleaning up the same mess 2000 times a day, teaching the same lessons 2000 times a day, driving down the road with a nonstop screaming child, driving 9 hours to the beach with a nonstop screaming child, getting hit in the supermarket by the fist of a toddler..the list is really endless with each changing age category).

Turning 30, however, marked a year of even more mental growth and change. I now have a 2.5 year old who has taught me more about life in those 30 short months than my 23 years in formal education. This year I guess some would say i have become a grandma....

 I want a country house with a screened door and a clothes line in the backyard, with nothing inside of it except things that are old and reliable. I no longer want for ultra modern decor busting at the seams, but instead ive sold or given away nearly everything in my home ( and you still cant even tell- ive got a long way to go) in search of a simpler, minimalist lifestyle. I have become even more obsessed with foods that are real and clean and put here by God ( I am not perfect, i consume plenty that I shouldnt, but i know whats right and wrong and work everyday to avoid those foods that man has made..foods that shouldnt even be labeled as "food"). I have been making things homemade for a while now anyways, especially since having P and making all his own babyfood, but now i want to make everything at home- ive made my own lotion and have plans to make my own laundry soap and house cleaner,  and am making my notes currently for our garden this summer. I just suddnely want nothing to do with the modern world ( minus air conditioning. Im not sure i could part ways with this beautiful invention).

 I have become even more in fear of our government and those who "lead" us, trusting pretty much nothing that they deem safe or good (i.e our food, our programming, social media, our music- this list could go on as well). I deleted my social media accounts (facebook and instagram) for a few reasons: they are addicting and I find myself checking them without even meaning to and for no particular reason at all except that my muscle memory has been programmed to do so. Also, I feel like it fills our minds with unnecessary information and problems, information about other peoples lives (be it their struggles, gripes, complaints or their need to constantly impress everyone else), and i dont know about everyone else, but my mind is nearly full. I dont have time to fill that space worrying about everyone elses worries. It takes me back to my old life, as a child or teenager, when social media didnt exist, and all we had were letters, or phone calls and our own imagination to decide what we liked or disliked. Now with social media, everyone is suddenly influenced by what they see and that is how they decide how they should be living their lives. everyone lives in a world of virtual friends, where impressing your "virtual friend" is the goal, taking pictures is no longer about having a memory, but its instantly about how can i make this photo look good on instagram or facebook, its about impressing other people ( even if you dont realize it, or think you arent guilty, this is what its about, and you are). Having deleted it all has been great- i am FREE. I take photos for me, I decide what i like and dislike because its what ive decided for myself, I dont have to worry about the worries my "virtual friends" are having, I have no more gossip to worry myself with- infiltrating me with negativity, and most importantly its how i want to raise my son. I want him to know a real life. a simple life. not an electronic life. not virtual friends. not a personality formed by the influences hes seen on social media.

I want my son to travel and explore and have a garden and sunshine and creativity and actual real friends and less stuff and more happiness.

30 has been quite impressive so far.

speaking of homemade, simple living, I also ventured into homemade fruit roll ups as well, which you gobbled up! they were so yummy! whatever fruit you'd like, pureed, then a little honey or sugar ( or none if the fruit is sweet enough), then bake for about 6 hours on the lowest setting! yum!