Bye bye paci. Bye bye baby.

Last night about 2am p woke me and cried "mommy my papa has a hole!"  Wed been waiting for it bc we could see a crack forming in one spot of it. And he knew it was the last one we had and that once gone, they were all gone. My last memory of the papa and my baby will be of the middle of the night when he said that,and groggily plopped it into my mouth, to test it out myself and confirming the hole was ever present, then returning it to his mouth to see if hed still want it for the remainder of the night. He was a bit upset anout it but slepy enough that he kept it in and slept the rest of the night. I assured him wed figure it all out in the morning. Once he woke this am at 730, the first thing he said to me ( which is how he woke me up), with concern and hope

In his voice was, "mommy, Papa got a hole in it... Mommy can u sew it! Maybe thag will fix it. (I sadly said that wouldnt work bc it would only create more holes) Can u tape it? (I explained that wouldnt work either as you may choke on the tape) What can we do to fix this problem?"  He then ran to the hall closet and said hpoefully, "i have an idea!" He returned to me with the stud finder in hopes of having found a solution. Poor baby. But then, miraculously and for the first time ever, he went all day without it! Maybe bc we cleaned all day and atayed busy, but never once did he ask for

It. Even when we rested in the afternoon and watched a little tv. He did say at one point "im not ready to be a big boy, ok yeah im a big boy now". 

But then. It was bedtime. And just like that this baby fell asleep without it. No fight. No tears. A moment of wimper when he aske me to go buy a new one. But then Just sadly said," mommy. Ill just dream about my papa tonight ".  ive never forced any weaning onto him bc i know all things come to an end. And i knew the paci would be no different despite some of the grocery store remarks we've received. But to me, its the last of the baby days and painful and proud all at once. My tears are happy tonight for my babies strength and sad for the baby hes leaving behind. That is motherhood i suppose: proud and sad.

The last papa pic: 2 days ago with       grandma